Have you ever had such a toxic boss they, literally, made you sick? Unfortunately, I did and for far too long. I didn’t realize how badly my job was affecting me, emotionally and physically. In fact, my blood pressure, at its highest, hit 170/105 which is stroke level!
I know I’m not the only one who’s ever been or will be in that position. When it comes time to retire, you might be worried if you’ll be ready. If you’re like myself, you stay and put up with it.
Retirement may not be your choice. Life circumstances, health issues or company downsizing can all force you to retire. Often, it’ll be a combination of reasons. The last thing anyone wants is it being forced on them.
Four and a half years ago, I left my personal work torture chamber behind. In spite of some concerns, I’ve never been happier! Since then, other people have come and gone and, sadly, one passed away at his desk from a stroke. Luckily, I made the right decision before it was too late.
What Changed My Life Forever, A Synopsis
I was a dedicated, productive and loyal employee. There’d never been any issues with my performance, behavior or capabilities. As my knowledge increased, so did my workload. The more I did, the more they added to my ever-growing list of responsibilities.
Sound familiar? Still, I managed to get it done and very well. The entire office depended on me for everything from accounting to IT support. You could say I was a “Jill of all trades”.
A change in supervisor happened four years into my career at the company. My new toxic boss didn’t understand what I did or, even, how to do his own job. The negativity and brow beating were endless. I dreaded going into work so getting up Monday morning was an absolute chore!
As time went on, my health started to deteriorate. Aches and pains were more pronounced and my blood pressure sky rocketed. Feelings of resentment and being taken advantage of were constant thoughts. This job was slowly killing me and, yet, I went to work every day and did my job.
One day, a small mistake got blown out of proportion. The reprimand was unreasonable in its severity. I was livid. When I started thinking about the situation which had been thrust on me, the anger and indignation kicked in. It was so unfair.
I didn’t deserve this as I had always been an exceptional employee. How dare they treat me like this? I felt betrayed, abandoned and extremely ticked off! Hurt, shock, disbelief and anger can’t even describe how I was feeling. It wasn’t worth going back knowing he would hold this over my head for the rest of my days to “keep me in line”.
This is a short excerpt and you can read the full story at bad boss my journey to hell and back.
How Would I Survive Financially?
Surely, I could put up with my "bosshole" for a few more months until I found another job? It wasn’t even an option after discussing it with my husband. He insisted a pay check wasn’t worth my health declining.
Starting over at the age of 55 wouldn’t be easy in this day and age. And I knew by leaving it might be a while before I saw a pay check again, if ever. How would I cover the car payment, household expenses, health benefits, etc.?
You can imagine my dilemma and concern with no money coming in. The more I stressed about finances, the more terrified I became. Like most of us, I wished I had more retirement savings. For more details, see our post on facts about baby boomers.
I felt sick to my stomach, wondering if I was overreacting. My independence kicked in and I didn’t want to put all the financial burden on my husband. It was completely foreign to my nature.
However, now I was out of my prison, I didn’t want to EVER return and, in retrospect, definitely not worth even considering. We discussed me taking the summer off and, then, looking for something in the fall.
We made the decision to focus on our website which meant I could work from home. We had enough and would be just fine. My so-called “retirement” began at 55. Frankly, I’ve been busier than I ever was at work!!!
Would I Be Bored?
I never had to worry about being bored in my job. I had so many things to do, my days passed quickly. I had worked an eight-hour day for so long, keeping busy during the day wasn’t difficult even if it wasn’t fun.
Actually, I looked forward to not having to run around for everyone else in the office. You know, sleep in and catch up on all the rest you’ve been missing and enjoy not having a schedule.
I worried I would get bored after the initial “honeymoon” phase. I wondered how I would fill the hours every day. For more thoughts in finding purpose in retirement, see our post how to find your purpose in retirement.
Part of my day is spent working on our business. And all those day-to-day activities still need to be done. Unfortunately, there’s no housekeeping fairy who’s going to do for you! I took some online courses to study web design and copywriting. It stretches my brain and there are no thoughts of boredom, believe me!
Who Am I If I'm Not Working?
Struggling all my life with self-esteem / self-doubt issues, I had come to accept the treatment I received at work without question. Buried in my thoughts, I worried I made the wrong decision and was just being selfish.
The one thing I knew I did exceptionally well was my job. Now, I was no longer at one to validate my daily existence; I didn’t know what was going to happen or who I would become.
Unfortunately, my toxic boss from hell had created a high stress environment and I definitely needed less of it in my life! I was burnt out and needed to change, to better look after myself emotionally and physically.
It became clear I needed to leave this job as soon as possible. One day, I reached the “AHA” moment. I had to have the willingness to accept my new circumstances of not having to go to work everyday.
It helped me start thinking about my true personal value. My favorite saying all my life has been “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up”. I knew I was highly competent and did my job (and his) competently and efficiently.
Recognizing I have so many opportunities open to me was important. Because of my experience, willingness to learn and openness, I can be or do anything I want. I’m the only one slowing me down. Most of the time, we’re our own biggest barrier.
Once I realized this, a whole new world opened to the “new me” who would emerge. Our article, dealing with the loss of identity after retirement, goes into greater depth.
What About Friends and Being Lonely?
The rug had been pulled out from under me. And I felt taken advantage of and undervalued by my toxic boss. Yet, it was the colleagues I worked with I cared most about and worried how it would be for them after I left.
If you’ve been in a similar situation, you can relate to the emotions flooding through me. However, I reminded myself it was time to move onward and upward.
Loneliness and being alone (or solitude) are two different things. I enjoy being alone and not being dependent on others to entertain me. Whereas it’s good for my peace-of-mind, I was scared to death I might slip into total social isolation.
All my life I’ve struggled with interpersonal interaction. At my core, I’m an introvert and have a hard time making friends. Going to work every day forced me into a situation where I had to deal with people and be outgoing.
The work environment made it easier to stay connected with people. Take time to get together with friends or try new activities. Set lunch or dinner dates. For more tips on how to stay in touch read our article, 8 tips to keeping workplace friends in retirement.
However, I found out the hard way the people I counted as friends were only acquaintances. Because we weren’t seeing each other daily, they sort of faded away into the ether. It did hurt as discussed in our post, how to cope with the loss of work friends after retirement or quitting.
Checking out what’s going on in the community is a great way to explore and make new connections. As well, there are classes or meetup groups to expand your social circle. Human beings crave social interaction so a willingness to change and adapt is important.
What To Do Now
Anything else was infinitely better than continuing in such a toxic environment and, yet, my decision wasn’t made lightly. The total surprise and panicked look on his face after submitting my two weeks' notice was bittersweet. It was only then did it dawn on him he’d pushed me too far, completely oblivious to my ongoing misery.
After learning I was leaving, a co-worker broke into tears stating "I was the best manager she ever had". Others were in disbelief and wondered if the office would ever function smoothly again. However, it was time for a new chapter in my life’s adventure.
Understanding and embracing all your unique talents gives you the foundation to realize work is an extremely small portion of your worth. My leaving was the best decision I ever made and, ultimately, my only real option.
My health, peace of mind, sense of humor and positivity have recovered. I truly believe you’re only as old as you feel. Plus, you can learn anything you want. A great motto is work to live, not live to work.
New Exciting Opportunities
I started learning everything I could about web design and copywriting. It’s a lot of information, everything changes and I’m still learning every day.
Tackling new skills, such as building a website, literally had me almost going off the deep end. While it’s both challenging and frustrating, it stimulates my brain and areas I haven’t accessed in a very long time. In a way, it’s like going back to school, on your own schedule.
Being able to work full-time on our own business is much more rewarding and fun. Now, I have time to explore options to help others realize there’s so much more to life than work. Also, it’s immensely satisfying to create something new.
Challenging yourself, even when something’s scary, opens you up to a great wonderful world you didn’t even know existed. So even if it scares the crap out of you, do what you know is right for you deep down, your sanity, happiness and life. Take the risk to get rewarded the opportunity!
Image by Pintera Studios from Pixabay
Closing Thoughts on Recovering from A Toxic Boss
A bad boss can change your life forever. And, sometimes, it’s the catalyst to bring about positive exciting changes. Although I had been in middle management my entire working career, it was no longer enough for me to exchange my time for a paycheck.
I wanted and needed new challenges to help me make a difference in peoples’ lives. Working on our business helped me to know I wasn’t just a cog in some corporate wheel. I was so much more than that. I know our identity gets buried in all of us working “for the man” so it was nice to reconnect with me.
It took two years for my blood pressure to get to normal levels again. My health has improved and I transformed with a completely new direction, happiness and excitement about the future.
And my husband was right, we did get through it and life has never been better!
